Friday, May 20, 2011

The imperfect Mother

Before having children, I dreamed of the perfect picture of what my life would be like surrounded by little ones.  I'd bake cookies, spin them around in my arms, their outfits would be immaculate,and color coordinated and their hair in place.  My house would be clean-all of the time, the table set with fine linen and china (that the kids would handle so gently as not to break it), and they all would go to bed on time.

Fast forward to present day and my life looks nothing like that but, looks a lot like the way it should.  I bake cookies-and we eat 99 % of them before nightfall, I spin them around, the neighborhood, Dr's. appointments, and to activities, their outfits are usually on the right way, not always color coordinated and for the most part clean, and their hair is  in the right place, it's on their heads.

I wish I could say my house is clean all the time, but its clean enough, I wish I could say that I have a complete china set,  and I wish I could say that all of the kids got to bed on time.  What I can say is that sometimes we do breakfast for dinner, and eat ice cream before lunch, we go to the pool in the afternoon, when only us homeschoolers are there, and  my kids can sort and fold laundry and know how to set a table.  They can go to a restaurant without running around, ask other adults questions without being scared, and meet the mail lady at the box before she gets there and give her a smile as she gives them the mail.  They are learning how to say sorry when they have done wrong and are learning that shoes don't go in the middle of the walkway.  They are learning what an inside voice is and what it means to be loud and crazy.   

I can not be phony. It's not my nature.  If my house is never dirty, my kids will never know what it means to clean it, if I never get angry or have disagreements,  they will never know what it means to handle problems improperly or properly, or how to reconcile. If I hide behind a facade and pretend everything is perfect 100% of the time, I rob them of the opportunity to navigate their way through the ebbs and flows of their imperfect lives. If I pretend there is no struggle, how will they ever see God at work in my life.  If they don't see me read the Word, or pray or trust and infallible God, what hope will they have, what will they believe in, and what will they hold onto, when they have their own struggles.  There is a passage in the Bible that I keep rolling over in my mind,  the verse where  Jesus says, that in this world we will have trouble but, be of good cheer  I have overcome the world.  But, I am beginning to see He does not want me to despair because He will help me overcome 'the world" as He overcame 'the world'.  I'm okay being the imperfect Mother.

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