Friday, October 21, 2011

Does heaven receive air mail?

Sebrena & Me

Today is Sebrena's birthday.She would have been 35.  It was 10 months ago that she unexpectedly died. We miss her terribly.  I can still hear her voice in my head and I want her here with us.  I want her here with her friends and family that love her.  I want her to bust through the front door and say, " I'm back!"

The truth is  I struggle with grief.  The tears hit me in the most unlikely of places at the most unexpected times.   I struggle  because out of all of us I know that God loves her the most.  Out of all of us I'm sure her mother wishes she was here the most.   I still have so many unanswered questions that may never be answered- and I have to be okay with that. But I'm not okay with that.  Knowing that she is with her heavenly Father does not take the pain of the loss away.   In between all the unanswered questions, in between seeing people or things that remind me of her, I just cry.  I want my friend back and I can't have her back.  All I have are memories and that will have to be enough. 

This morning as I sat at my computer, Noahkeem asked me, if Sebrena could come back to life.  I told him no.  He asked me if we could send things to heaven- for her.  He asked if  we sent something to heaven would she get it.    I couldn't answer him because I was choking back my tears.  So I decided I would get a few balloons and release them to heaven and see how far they will float in the air until they disappear.   One day, we will be reunited again, and after we hug, and say how happy we are to see each other  again,  I can ask her if she got them. Until then Happy Birthday my Sweet Sebrena, I miss you and will always love you.

1 comment:

shauna said...

Sharing your grief and celebrating our girl today.