I will say this much. Life has been difficult. We often give the appearance that things are great but deep down inside or sometimes not so deep down inside, things are not as great as we portray them. As much as we would love people to believe that things are perfect, they are not. We are not perfect. No one is. We live in a sinful, fallen and broken world. That is the reality. And with each breath we take we are closer to our deaths. From the moment we are born we are already dying. Isn't that sad? Or is that the motivation we need to make our lives count and to live on purpose each day?
Reading the blog of a friend who is going through a difficult time has inspired me to say a little (yet not much) about my difficulty. Writing is cathartic for me. It helps me get out what is in my head onto paper or better yet onto this blog. I make no apologies for my writing and opinions. Because they are what they are- they are mine.
The very muddy water I am walking through is proving to be an interesting and difficult journey. It is not hard to see sooner or later who loves you without question, without judgement, without conditions when you are at a difficult space in time. Sometimes the love that rises up is overwhelming- in a good way, and sometimes the disappearance of it from others is surprising and at times too thought provoking. One thing I know for sure is that God's love never fails. I don't want sympathy. I don't want pity. Yet Help is Wanted.
So as much as I would like to divulge everything, I know that this is not the arena for it. One thing however amazes me through this season that I am in is King David. Yes, the David of the Bible. Looking through the Psalms I see where David is exalting God one minute and is in the depths of despair the next. Yet God was very tender and patient toward David. Tonight Psalm 142 caused me to pause and think. David was alone, afraid, and in desperate need of God's help. I realized that sometimes in life, there are things that only God can help with. There are other times He will divinely set you up with people that He will use to help you but, other times, situations arise where your only hope is Him and Psalms 142 reflects that.
I cried unto the Lord with my voice: with my voice unto the Lord did I make my supplication. I poured out my complaint before him: I shewed before him my trouble. When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, then thou knewest my path. In the way wherein I walked have they privily laid a snare for me. I looked on my right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would know me: refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul. I cried unto thee, O Lord: I said, Thou are my refuge and my portion in the land of the living. Attend unto my cry; for I am brought very low; deliver me from my persecutors: for they are stronger than I . Bring my soul out of prison that I may praise thy name: the righteous shall compass me about for thou shalt deal bountifully with me.