Monday, July 30, 2012

Hello Monday.

I woke up at 6:30 a.m. today.  The first thing I remembered was that I was supposed to be at my cycling class- obviously, that did not happen.  I still put my "work out" clothes on and  took Jaime for a walk.

'Something' told me not to wear shorts but I did anyway.  As a thank you to myself for not listening to that little voice, I am now  dealing with several lovely mosquito bites. Why didn't I listen?

Dolly is super happy that I don't have work today and that she does not have school.  She said now we can spend time together. (Insert mother guilt here, the kind that reads, I  wish I didn't have to work but, I have to and I enjoy what I do, but, during the quiet times I look at my watch and wonder what you are doing, and wish I could be home on the floor in your room playing, "Princess & Ponies" with your Barbies and My little Pony horses. But instead I am here working , loving other people's children, but I love you the most).

As quiet as the house is now,(because  everyone is still in bed) I know soon it will be loud.  And as much as I would like to Chillax the day away, my to do list is already full.  I know that in the middle of all I have to do, alot of people & projects will be vying for my attention.

Thinking about all of this makes me wonder how on earth did Mrs.Brady do this?  Then I realize, Alice cleaned her house, the kids really took care of themselves, Mike was an architect, which made it possible for her to stay home and not work,she had a couple older kids that were like adults,  and for the most part all 6 of the kids got along well.

I  know the Brady Bunch  is not real. I also know  the families that appear perfect are  only giving an "appearance of being perfect".  It still would be nice to have  everything in place and resolved in the matter of a 30 minute spot  like a sitcom family.

Today, I'm digging deep God's strength to do all I have to do, even when I don't feel like.  I'm gonna try to remember that his help and strength is available to me because sometimes I'd rather just do things my way, myself.  Knowing that I'm prone to go my own way, I'm already thanking Him that His Mercies are new every morning.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

The randomness of Thursday

 Today was the last day of summer school.  I have to say it ended well.  We packed up our classroom in about an hour and bought all of the boxes to a trailer on campus.  In the 100 degree heat. I'm looking forward to spending a few days off before  figuring out work for the rest of the summer. 

Dolly and I went to a supermarket tonight to kill time before Cookie's concert.  We were surprised that the store had a second floor! So we took the very huge elevator to the second floor just for the experience even though I knew I didn't need anything up there.  We bought some snacks, drinks & Sour Patch kids and  went on our merry way.

The concert was in an amazing Episcopal church.  The stained glass windows had many depictions of Christ and his disciples and beautiful architecture. I sat and wondered how long  it took to construct such a place.  I wondered who  made and installed all of the wonderful stained glass windows.  I wondered who walked in and out of  its' doors for the last 100 years. I wondered how many people over the last 100 years found comfort and peace within its walls. I wondered how many people had prayers answered and how many did not.

The concert was long but nice.  The cathedral ceilings lent itself to great acoustics which gave both choirs a full sound.

Now that my evening out is over, I have to psych myself up for another intense early morning workout.  My new workout regime is really kicking my butt.  Wednesday, I did my first Indian run, ran the stadium stairs at a local high school about 5 times, did other stuff that I can't remember but left me dripping with sweat.  I used to pride myself on 'excersizing" but not sweating.  Now I'm pushing myself so that I can get where I want to be. And it stinks because it's hard, and cardiovascularly,  (is that a word?) I'm out of shape.  I have to fight my thoughts that keep telling me I can't do one more rep.   Most days I can't keep up with the class. My coach (bless her heart) says that  it doesn't matter that I can't "keep up" with the other people, she wants Big Momma to focus on Big Momma.

 Every time I feel like quitting, and skipping my workouts, her voice rings in my head.  I hear her saying "The only workout you're going to regret, is the one you don't do".  I'm getting up tomorrow, giving it another try and pushing myself to give myself  a little more and then some.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Where did July go?

EXTREME MAKEOVER HOME EDITION - "Hill Family," - Exterior  Picture, on  "Extreme Makeover Home Edition," Sunday, April 24th     (8:00-9:00 p.m.  ET/PT) on the ABC Television Network.

Things have been so busy around here, the days seem to run together. 2 days ago we celebrated Cookie's 12th birthday.. I  can hardly believe she's 12! I surprised her by making an appointment to get a manicure at  Beverly Hills Nail Salon. It also just so happens that the woman who owns the salon received a new home from Extreme Home Makeover last year -where the salon is. It was really a big treat.   When the episode aired, Cookie said that we should go get our nails done there.  What better time than her 12th birthday to make it happen? 
Later that evening after we got home, I had to scramble to make her ice cream cake.  Of all the flavor combinations in the world she chose a Layer of Mint Chocolate Chip, followed by a layer of crushed Oreos and a layer of Black Cherry.  Everyone that had some seemed to enjoy it.
Tomorrow I am wrapping up summer school -literally. Summer school was a Huge learning experience. I still don't know where I will be next school year but,one semester  at a time, right?  
Another busy day tomorrow. Cookie's choir is singing with a boys choir from England  in the evening. I'm really looking forward to it.  It will be a great  way to celebrate the last day of summer school and a great way to jump start our already full weekend.


Saturday, July 21, 2012

I'm no hero Part II

Here is my question for God, why  are  there people with disabilities? While trying to answer this question  I came across a Bible verse: John 9:1-7. The NIV says, "As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”
3 "Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. As long as it is day, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.”
After saying this, he spit on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the man’s eyes. “Go,” he told him, “wash in the Pool of Siloam” (this word means “Sent”). So the man went and washed, and came home seeing". 

Here is my other question for God, What if we pray and the people we care for with disabilities are not healed?  What should I make of that?  What should parent's with children with challenges make of that?  What of the feelings that they are  plagued with that leave them feeling that they  were the cause of their children's disabilities?  

How does the person with special needs navigate through all of his or her misunderstood sounds or gestures?  What do they do with the frustration they feel when trying to communicate and we  don't quite understand what they are trying to say?

As I sit here trying to string all of my thoughts together, I can only say that if  Jesus said,   "Neither this man nor his parents sinned"  I can only accept that usually it's no fault of the parents that their child is born with challenges and disabilities. 

If Jesus said, that "...this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him...As long at is day, we must do the works of him who sent me...While I am in the world, I am the light of the world", I can only believe that whether or not a child or adult with special needs is healed, God wants to show himself in them,
He gets glory out of their lives.  He gets glory when we give our time, our prayers,  our attention, and a piece of ourselves to those who are different  than us. 

What will move our hearts and motivate us to love those that experience life  in a world so different than our own?  

Some times I think we say silly things like,  " That's not my calling or I don't know any one with special needs" and then we  let ourselves off the hook.  After all, how can we reach those we don't come in contact with, right?

Do we really have to be called to love? Do we really have to be called to be the light?  I'm  beginning to think that being the light means bringing hope to those that need it the most. I keep asking myself  if Jesus said, "While I am in the world,  I am  the light of the world", how am I going to be the light while I am in the world?  How will we be the light to the less fortunate we pass by on the street, to someone who is wheelchair bound,  or to those we see in public that have special needs? Will we stare then quickly look away?  Will we whisper a prayer as we walk by them  or will we just whisper?  How will we be the light to the least of these?  If this is not normally part of our lives, what will motivate us to care? 

Jesus be the Hero to those that have no voice.  Jesus be the Hero to those that feel trapped in their very misunderstood world. Jesus be the Hero to those that have the tremendous responsibility of being Mom, Dad, Caretaker, Nurse, & Advocate for children & adult children with special needs.  Give them  strength where they need it most, insight in the middle of chaos and frustration, friends who understand, & hope when their loved one is having a good day.  I'm no hero Lord, but I know that you are.

Friday, July 20, 2012

I'm no hero Part I

In one more week summer school will end and all of the little people will be back together again.  Dolly has told me how long and boring her summer program   has been. (which I was expecting her to say sooner or later).  I am proud of her  though.  She was nice enough to wait to make this statement a week before it ends as oppose to the first day of the program.  Summer school for me looked a little different.

Working my summer school program has been an interesting experience.  It's been challenging and draining at times but, I have learned a lot and had fun with my class.  The population of kids I work with have some  MR (mental retardation) & have some emotional and behavioral disabilities but are high functioning & highly social. 

I have often wondered about the souls of these special kids and whether or not they have any concept of God or have any  type of relationship with Him.  So what happens today?  One of my students begins to sing a gospel song that I learned when I was about 7 years old.   Last week  a student I have been paired with  and have done a lot of one on one instruction with,  sang the same song. Is this a coincidence?

Last week, my one on one student asked one of the Teacher's assistants if they prayed, my ears perked up and I heard her say yes.  Then he asked her if she would pray for him.  She told him that she would say a whole lot of prayers for him.  He seemed to be satisfied with that answer.

Today while in the office, my one on one student asked me if I  would  pray for his Mama.  I asked if his mother was sick and he said no but, his Grandma was.  I then told him that I would pray especially for his grandma tonight.  Somehow, in between doses of medication, making loud noises, not staying on task, laughing, not following  a directive, he somehow knows, there is some one to pray to and He has the ability to help his mother and his grandmother.

As the weeks have progressed with this job, the faces of my students, and other students  I come in contact with, seem to flash before me long after my shift is over, late at night, and on the weekends.  All I know to do is to pray for them and their families.  

People seem to think I'm such a great person to work with Autistic students, kids with extreme behavior issues, kids with  severe emotional problems, students with  different levels of mental retardation, kids who appear to have no issues at all, students who exhibit all kinds of aggression, students who wear pull ups and diapers, students who drool and have runny noses- all the time, students who pick at their noses and other parts of their bodies-all day, students who are animated and make me laugh, students who can quote nearly every episode of  their favorite television program, students who try to cram all of their lunch in their mouths with no room to spare, kids who refuse to eat-at all. students who talk well, students who don't talk at all, kids who grunt and make noises because that's all the vocabulary they have, Students who hit themselves or bang their heads  on their desks, students who hit you or push you into desks,  students who who look at you with blank stares, students who fall asleep because they are on so many meds or  because they don't sleep much at night, and students who just scream for hours,  as if they are being tortured.  Those are the types of kids I work with.  But I am not a hero.  

The real heroes are the parents, caretakers and guardians, who care for these kids when I go home to mine.  They are the ones who have to manage family and work with a special needs child.  They are the ones who have to deal with the  'tantrums', the screaming, the aggression  at home, at the grocery store and in public.  They are the ones who if they don't have the support system set up, get no break and constantly feel the weight of the universe on their shoulders.

They often care for their children without thanks or appreciation, without hugs or kisses, without Mother's Day or Father's Day cards and without the help that they need because  no one  is willing to lend a hand.

 I imagine they must feel alone, frustrated angry, annoyed , guilty sad, disappointed and afraid- all at the same time.  Some of their children will never get married, never have children, and never hold down a job.  However, some children will do all of those things and more. I imagine on good days the caregivers feel hopeful, or maybe even happy.  I imagine they feel like they have a little break or they feel  at peace- even  if only for a moment. 

I don't look at myself as a hero.  I only have my students for a few hours out of the day. Their caregivers, mother's and fathers and siblings have them for a lifetime,  they are the real heroes....

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Jamie Grace

For years the kids begged for a dog.  I told them once Dolly was potty trained we would get a dog. Dolly has been potty trained for 3 years and today I finally did it! Today I adopted a West Highland Terrier mix. 

This is Jaime on  the deck, notice my shadow as I take her picture.

The kids are out of control with excitement. I'm excited, tired and behind on laundry.  We looked for a long time and visited several dog shelters, and pet stores and the kids fell in love with this one.   I generally  never cared for white dogs but, there's no turning back now. I don't know what to expect with this dog, since I haven't had a dog in about 10 years.  I imagine it will be like taking care of another child.  Hmmmm.... just like another child.

"Jaime" is wasting no time  introducing herself to her new family. She's hopped into all the little people's  laps at least once, has followed me around and laid at my feet while at my desk.  She sits when you tell her to and usually comes when she is called.  She's been doing all of this even though she had a dose of anaesthesia today (long story for another post).
Cookie & Dolly on the deck with Jaime.  Jamie likes to stretch out.

The only thing I know about her is that prior to coming to the shelter,  she was found in a crate, next to  a dumpster She was someones discard... someones trash.  I hope she  knows that she was wanted here, long before we met her.

Welcome to our home, Jaime Grace!

Monday, July 16, 2012

Two things: Number 1, I am the queen of run- on sentences when my brain is flooded with thoughts or ideas and I don't know which to write or say first or I can't say them fast enough.  Number 2: We did not get an offer from the last prospective buyers. I can't say that I am disappointed because I am not. I realize this house business is just another thing that I have to choose not to worry about.

Worry and fear will drain the life out of you and I can't let that happen-especially with the house.

It's funny how sometimes we think when things are going great that we must be in God's will & He must be smiling on us, but when things are not going as we expect them to or just completely falling apart, we think that God is no where around or that He is punishing us and that we are not pleasing Him.  I can't believe  any of that 'yo-yo' faith is true.  God is either good all the time or He isn't.

I'm deciding that my tomorrow will be what it will be.  I am trusting that it will be good, that it will be full and complete.... in a good way. 

 I guess I'm crazy or just super determined to see how all of the details of my fabulous life plays out which leads me to trust in a God I can't see with my eyes,  a God I can't always feel, yet a God who walks into the middle of my days and in the middle of my nights whe I least expect Him to  and shows me how real He really is. As unpredictable as things are at times, I'm still believing and trusting.

I'm going to bed, without worry... reminding myself that my life is in His hands. 

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Just a part of the waiting game


I woke up to the sound of "something" scurrying on my roof.  At first I assumed it was Rocco or one of the other little people doing something in the  kitchen.  Of course the first thing I'm thinking was that there must be a rat or raccoon or some unwanted rodent in my attic or on my roof.  I had a flashback of the second house I bought when we only had 1 child at the time.  It was a great house on a dead end street, built sometime in the late 1940s with  a Norwegian King rat in the attic along with a few of its smaller friends.

 These particular rat's tails are twice as long as their bodies.   Don't ask me how I know so much about his breed of rodents;  that's another story for another time. 
As I lay there in bed,  I thought, " maybe its the big white Heron that likes to hang out by the lake".  Lately he/she has been leaving  its perching place and flying on top of my neighbor's roof. Maybe today he/she was on my roof.  It's crazy how a bird that big can fly so high.                                                  

After I got up & dressed, I went down stairs just to see that Rocco was on the computer and not in the kitchen.  I went out side and  the first thing I noticed were 2  crows in the backyard  sharing something tasty.  I then looked up at the roof and saw a bunch of crows, retrieving something from the gutter.

I breathed a sigh of relief since it wasn't anything major.   Today would not be the day for anything scurrying overhead.  We have potential buyers coming to see the house today.  I was told that the realtor that is coming has a great track record.  Maybe today will be the day we get an offer. Maybe today I'll be able to really start packing.  I'll know by tomorrow.

Waiting until then.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

"Do overs"

This evening we had yet another birthday party for Rocco. The first one did not  turn out as we had planned so tonight was the "Do over".

We ended up with 11 kids- including mine.  After eating a couple of pizzas we went outside for Bocce Ball & then a game of Wiffle Ball,   rather we had our own special version of Wiffle Ball. 

Whether the kids struck out, made fowls, or ran to the wrong bases, none of it mattered.  The only thing that mattered was the smiles on their faces as we cheered, clapped, hollered for them, and exchanged high fives  when they eventually got to home plate. It didn't matter that no one was playing by the official rules.

Some swung  at the ball with all their might and still missed. Some hit the ball and sent it flying high, while others sent it flying in the opposite direction. 

This week as I was getting ready for the party I thought about  how God allows "Do Overs"  I thought about how many times we are given the opportunity to do something over again after failing or thinking that we failed  at it the first time .  Yet so many times we wish for "Do overs" and sometimes  for whatever reason, we don't get them.

Could it be that God gives us "Do overs" at different seasons in our lives?  Could it be that He still cheers us on, claps and hollers for us when we are trying to do the right thing with all our might and miss the mark? 

Could it be that He's still proud of us when we "hit the ball" and  it pops off in the wrong direction?  Is it crazy to think that just maybe   He is just proud that we stepped up to the plate and hit the ball in the first place?

I wonder how many times God patiently waits for us with hopeful expectation,  as He watches us strike out, make fowls and run to the wrong bases. I can imagine that  He waits and waits and waits all the while with a smile on His face because He sees us eventually running toward home plate.

When we finally get there, even though we didn't follow the official rules and it hurt Him & us in certain ways, He still wants to give us double high-fives, and hugs  because while we were out in the field playing our game; playing it right and playing it wrong,  He was at home plate, smiling and waiting for us & planning our next season of "Do overs". 

I'm thankful tonight for mercy.  I'm thankful tonight for  the God of  second and third chances. 

Thank you Lord for your perfectly timed seasons of  "Do overs".

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

I know, my ways are not your ways.

This  month will mark my fourth month at my job.  Yesterday was by far my hardest day.  For over 3 1/2 hours straight, I assisted with restraining and redirecting one of our students. Bare in mind that my work day  is 4 1/2 hours.

My arms were incredible sore  leaving work and today my pects and shoulders are even more sore.  It was physically gruelling and emotionally draining.  I came home very tired.  I definitely earned my pay plus some. Truthfully my thought process was more like, "Lord I deserve  this job with benefits, I want  more than what I'm getting and  I come to work  each day to learn this job and to serve the staff & this unique population of students and this day made me feel so wiped out, What the heck?"

I couldn't believe how things went. It was unbelievable. I ended the day with more questions for God. More prayers for my future and a 10 minute trip to the dollar store that ended up being an hour or so longer than expected because half the time I was listening to the radio and thinking over my life and the events of the day.

When I walked into work this morning, I was in the building for no more than 10 seconds and a coworker of mine said, "Yesterday evening the Lord gave me Jeremiah 29:11 for you, I was going to text it to you but, I didn't...Read it".   I was so surprised!  I told her I really needed to hear that.  I thanked her and she told me to have a blessed day and we parted ways.

She had no idea of what I went through yesterday, nor the things I was processing yesterday evening. But God knew.  And just to prove that He was thinking of me, He gave me this powerful verse to start off my work day with, and then assigned me to another classroom for the day.

 I have to admit, I don't always get why things happen the  way they do, or why I go through certain "tests".  I don't always get why things don't happen the way that I have them play out in my mind. As things change and shift in my life, I do get that there is a bigger plan at work behind the scenes.  Even if I can't see what that plan is. 

Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". Verse 12 & 13 say, "Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart".
Still believing. 

Sunday, July 8, 2012

This old House

The house has been on the market for  a little over 9 months.. soon to be 10 months.  I have had somethings packed away for months that I would prefer to be in my sight and other things that I haven't thought about since I sealed up the boxes.  More than anything I miss my books.  I find myself needing info or wanting to read something and not having access to it.

With all of the traffic over the last 9 months we got only one offer. That offer was withdrawn.

I can think of many reasons why we still might be here.  90% of those reasons are major upgrades and maintenance.   Which unless some good Samaritan comes rolling down the street looking for a house project to do, I have to figure out how to get these things done  & pray hard in the mean time.  This week I am back to major cleaning, fixing up and freshening up those things that I can and praying that the potential buyer will overlook the rest.  Its been a job in itself to keep the house straight with four kids.  They have to live here and don't get how we have to put everything away at once and give  the house a once over when we get a call that someone wants to come see it.  It's become a game of sorts.  And so far, we loose nearly every round because we wake up the next day and there is no offer. I'm quite tired of the whole process.  Most of the time I just roll with it.  Once in a while I feel myself slowly unraveling and questioning the decisions that have led me up to where I am.  With all of my questions, I still don't have the answers.

How long will I  have to wait? Will things change so that I will be able to take it off of the market?  Is my season here over? Will I loose every ounce of equity in this house? Will someone else buy it directly from the bank for next to nothing?

Whatever the reason, and with all the unanswered questions, it is what it is.  I have had so many wonderful memories here.  I now wonder will the next celebration in the house be the last.  I have been so blessed to live in a great location, on a cul-de-sac, in a quiet neighborhood- on a lake.

A huge part of me wants to pack up and leave and start over somewhere fresh and new.  In a new neighborhood in a different section of town or maybe in a different town altogether. That same part of me is tired of waiting for an offer, hoping for an offer and hoping that offer doesn't get withdrawn.  The Mother part of me wants my children to be happy. They would be happy living here and have nothing change expect adding a dog to the picture.

The other part of me is concerned that I will loose the house. The concerned part of me hopes I will never have to have that conversation with my children.   If I dwell on it too long the concerned part of me  turns into worry and fears foreclosure. Another part of me tells me not to worry because God will take care of me. 

Lately I have been thanking God for each day he allows me to be in this old house- whether  or not that day was perfect, I still thank him.  I thank him for a place to sleep. A back yard for my kids to  play in. I'm thankful for each friend that comes over whether that be for 5 minutes or a few hours.

I thank him for  the dust, because that means that we have "things" that fill this old house that need cleaning.  I thank him for the crumbs left behind, because that means we have  a table to clean off and a family who  gathers around it.   So many things to be grateful for.

I am thankful for the opportunity to live another day and enjoy the place I am in. I thank God for this old house even though how long we'll be here is uncertain.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Know this

I like to read church marquees to see what kind of catchy  phrases they put on display to make "passerbys" think or to attract people to their church.  Two days ago, I was driving to a Fourth of July celebration (for whatever reason my town celebrates it on the 3rd of July) and I of course was reading the marquees of the churches I was drove by.

As I was  driving down the highway, I notice this huge marquee that was lit up with flashing lights and changing pictures.  As I got closer, I saw this particular marquee had  a bright picture of Jesus with a piercing reminder on it.  The marquee read, "Know that I love You!"

Once again, I thanked the Lord for this reminder.  Clearly its something that He doesn't want us to forget in the middle of our busy schedules, parties,celebrations, and  our not so high moments.  It all seems too simple. We are not being asked to do a long list of things to prove our love for Him or earn His Love.   We are only  being asked to just know that He loves us.

My prayer today is that  knowing that God loves us will penetrate our hearts so that the impossible does not seem so impossible.  I'm believing that we will become so convinced of His Love for us that those things that seem so out of reach will be within our grasp.  I am praying that we would become so consumed with His thoughts toward us that the only opinion in our world that matters  is His.

I love how Jeremiah 31:3 puts it, "The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness".

Rest in His Love today!

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Remember, I love you.

Noahkeem and I were sitting at the table eating and he said to me, "Don't forget Mom, I love you". He pointed to his eye, heart, and me so that I really would not forget it.

The following morning I felt that God wanted me to remember that he loved me.  "Remember, I love you" is what I kept sensing Him say.  Me being a little slow-at times thought, 'Of course you love me..  You're God, the Creator of the universe, you're suppose to love me'.

What was so significant about hearing those words from God, than from another? 

Remembering God loves you is taking into consideration that He is 100% for you-no matter what.  He is full of ideas, strategies and insights for you.  He guarantees peace and safety.  He has a long track record of miracles, healing, rescuing and delivering those that He loves.

As I thought about all of these things, it made me feel that I could take on the world! Thinking about how significant His love is, makes me want to do whatever makes him smile.It makes me want to run into His arms because I'm so thankful.  It makes me want to run into His arms when things get beyond crazy because I know that He has the aerial view and He knows how the story will end.  It makes me ask for his opinion during the course of the day.

It makes me want to run into His arms for no other reason than His love is complete.

Hearing him say, "Remember I love you" got  my attention and it's hard for me to look away.

Sunday, July 1, 2012


Last night in the middle of a storm, Cookie walked Noahkeem into my room and said, "Mom, Noahkeem wants to stay with you".  I pulled back the sheets and let him climb into the bed.  As his sweaty little head lay on my pillow, I could feel that his heart was pounding....he was scared.  We were in the middle of a storm.

The thunder continued to crash loudly and the lightening flashes filled my room with day light- a few seconds at a time.    I reasurred Noahkeem, that I was there and that he was alright.

Not too soon after,  Rocco called out for his sister and I went to see what the matter was.  I went over to  his bed and layed down and he said, "Hi mom, what does the storm look like?"  I got up and pulled back his curtain a little, showing him how light the sky was and how the rain was pouring down.

It amazes me  how children  feel safe when they know that you-the adult- are there.  I couldn't help but think about the storm(s) in my life and how I felt when I finally believed that God would and was able to  take care of me, and how scared I felt when I wasn't so sure.  God's  heart is to always be with me and to reassure me that I am safe. His heart is for me to believe that He is who He says He is- no matter what the storm looks like.

Event though I told Noahkeem that I was there, and that he was alright, even though I rubbed his back when I felt him jump at the explosive sounds of thunder, it did not stop the storm.  Trusting and believing that I would take care of him made him feel safe and the storm less scary. 

As I write this I am reminded of a part of Matthew 23:37, "... how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing."  It makes me think that perhaps God  just waits for us to take Him up on His offer for protection and safety but because we like to handle things ourselves or because we feel that he  isn't interested in certain parts of our lives, he can't do the things that he wants to do for us like give us peace or a feeling a safety when everything seems tumultuous.

As I look out the window, the sun is shining today. Yet,  it's clear that a storm blew through last night. Noahkeem isn't scared right now.  And God is still here.