Sunday, July 8, 2012

This old House

The house has been on the market for  a little over 9 months.. soon to be 10 months.  I have had somethings packed away for months that I would prefer to be in my sight and other things that I haven't thought about since I sealed up the boxes.  More than anything I miss my books.  I find myself needing info or wanting to read something and not having access to it.

With all of the traffic over the last 9 months we got only one offer. That offer was withdrawn.

I can think of many reasons why we still might be here.  90% of those reasons are major upgrades and maintenance.   Which unless some good Samaritan comes rolling down the street looking for a house project to do, I have to figure out how to get these things done  & pray hard in the mean time.  This week I am back to major cleaning, fixing up and freshening up those things that I can and praying that the potential buyer will overlook the rest.  Its been a job in itself to keep the house straight with four kids.  They have to live here and don't get how we have to put everything away at once and give  the house a once over when we get a call that someone wants to come see it.  It's become a game of sorts.  And so far, we loose nearly every round because we wake up the next day and there is no offer. I'm quite tired of the whole process.  Most of the time I just roll with it.  Once in a while I feel myself slowly unraveling and questioning the decisions that have led me up to where I am.  With all of my questions, I still don't have the answers.

How long will I  have to wait? Will things change so that I will be able to take it off of the market?  Is my season here over? Will I loose every ounce of equity in this house? Will someone else buy it directly from the bank for next to nothing?

Whatever the reason, and with all the unanswered questions, it is what it is.  I have had so many wonderful memories here.  I now wonder will the next celebration in the house be the last.  I have been so blessed to live in a great location, on a cul-de-sac, in a quiet neighborhood- on a lake.

A huge part of me wants to pack up and leave and start over somewhere fresh and new.  In a new neighborhood in a different section of town or maybe in a different town altogether. That same part of me is tired of waiting for an offer, hoping for an offer and hoping that offer doesn't get withdrawn.  The Mother part of me wants my children to be happy. They would be happy living here and have nothing change expect adding a dog to the picture.

The other part of me is concerned that I will loose the house. The concerned part of me hopes I will never have to have that conversation with my children.   If I dwell on it too long the concerned part of me  turns into worry and fears foreclosure. Another part of me tells me not to worry because God will take care of me. 

Lately I have been thanking God for each day he allows me to be in this old house- whether  or not that day was perfect, I still thank him.  I thank him for a place to sleep. A back yard for my kids to  play in. I'm thankful for each friend that comes over whether that be for 5 minutes or a few hours.

I thank him for  the dust, because that means that we have "things" that fill this old house that need cleaning.  I thank him for the crumbs left behind, because that means we have  a table to clean off and a family who  gathers around it.   So many things to be grateful for.

I am thankful for the opportunity to live another day and enjoy the place I am in. I thank God for this old house even though how long we'll be here is uncertain.

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