|A pic of the house one of us took from the car window|
Its been nothing less than emotional as I have recounted so many celebrations, first words and steps that have taken place here. I've been saddened at the possiblity that those were last celebrations here.
Part of me has been hopeful for a new beginning somewhere. Yet the waiting game, and the stress of the last past year has worn me out. I got sick of talking about my house, so I stopped talking about it. I got tired of blogging about it, so I stopped blogging about it. But I never stopped wondering, never stopped asking God all of the questions that have seemed to have gone unanswered. When, Why, How, Where?
My heart broke last spring when Noahkeem came home from school with a branch from a Dogwood tree that he was given to plant. Week after week, he would beg me to plant it. I told him I would. He eventually told me that it was going to die and was angry at me. When he wasn't around I burst into tears because I wanted to plant the little tree for him, but, felt like the yard was no longer mine, because the house was on the market and I couldn't plant a tree not knowing when we would move. I couldn't bear the thought that the tree would blossom every Spring and he nor I would be here to enjoy it. I couldn't bear the fact that whoever was going to buy the house would be able to see this tree, that my son and I planted and probably could care less about it and think that it was just an ordinary tree and not a tree that my little boy rushed home to give to me during a low point when my life was falling apart quicker than I could hold it together.
With an ongoing conversation with God, tears, requests for prayer, consultation & deep conversations over the last past year, we have made a major decision. We have decided to start over again. With faith in one hand, and a paint brush in the other we are staying in our house.